Note: In case the closing moments of the review come across as “Unprofessional”, I apologize. If I were to reword it to sound calmer or more subjective, I’d be taking my emotions and opinions and diluting them. And I love you guys too much to do that. So enjoy.

Future is a rapper that confuses me to no end. His hooks and auto-tuned sing/rap styling sound like he’s drowning in the ocean…but for some reason it works. Everyone seemingly loved his debut album, Pluto, except for me. I see the appeal in Future as a T-Pain type artist, but not much else. I enjoy T-Pain on a ridiculous DJ Khaled track, not a horrendous album where half the material is filler. The same has to this point applied to Future.

Here, Pluto tries to go cinematic, even pointing this out in the title. Intro (Future) straight up says that the song acts as opening credits. Sadly, it feels like a bad omen of what’s to come. The cinematic production feels like we’re about to enter a battle in Lord of the Rings or Braveheart, except instead it has lazy percussion and some of the most annoyingly monotone rap/singing I’ve heard. Future just repeats numerous things that are “On Me”. This would have been a funny 1 minute opener, but then it lasts 4 1/2 minutes. It’s dreadful.

The single-bait track that follows, Fo Real, improves by actually having some form of strong structure. The production doesn’t do anything for me, but the delivery here is inspired, and Drake delivers a serviceable verse. But that’s a problem for the whole album. The best tracks are often nothing more than “Pretty good”. On Future’s tracks, his watery deliver turns from “Fun” to “Alright, we get it” very quickly, with the auto-tune affects becoming grating as soon as the 3rd track. Again, Future is the kind of guy who is suited for singles, not albums. Or mixtapes.

The production on this tape is absolutely uninteresting, full of the same boom-bass and cloud rap influenced beats that Hip-Hop has been inundated with since A$AP and Waka were getting big at the same time. Notice how those two rappers don’t really go together? That’s the production all over this tape, since it doesn’t know what it wants to be. Future tries to mix in “Cinematic” strings and orchestral thrills, but drowns them out with generic bass thumps and clicky percussion. Not a single beat comes across as memorable, and since Future doesn’t really do enough himself to keep things interesting, the tape falls on its face.

Image Courtesy Pitchfork

Now, Future presents a variety of different rappers here, “Actors in the film” (Notice I keep putting these movie references in quotation marks, because I hate them). Aside from Drake, no one really delivers a guest verse worth time. Wale makes himself more detestable on Ceelo, and B*tches Love Me feels like I’m getting sucked into a giant whirlpool, with the watery sound of Lil Wayne and Future’s auto-tune overwhelming pretty much everything. Birdman (for whatever reason) gets a 30 second interlude where he basically does shout-outs and says nothing worth attention. There are some tracks that don’t even have any Future on them. The first of which, Mup*ucka, is TERRIBLE. The two no names, Mexico Rann and Young Scooter, lack charisma and their lyricism is on about the same level of guys like Waka or Chief Keef (And this mixtape is a prime example of why I somewhat resent their influence). Oh, and the beat is horrendous. These no-names (Who are being showcased as Future’s proteges and buddies) lack the skill and charisma required to make them stand out, which ruins basically every track that Future isn’t on.

There are points on the album where I can drop my reservations and kind of enjoy myself. I have a soft spot for incredibly ignorant Trap-Rap tracks that go hard, so needless to say I liked Marc Mcquire (WHO YOU THANK YOU IS!?!?! WHO YOU THANK YOU IS?!?!). But there lies another problem. But what I like in that song relies more on the testosterone and energy entailed in it, not so much the lyricism or production (It’s suitable, but nothing interesting). Plus, the whole “Film” concept is just dropped by track 6, and if it is still there, it’s drowned out by the obnoxious bass.

And even Future’s strong suit, hooks, fall flat here. The staccato drug talk on Karate Chop is too choppy to be remotely enjoyable, and too many tracks just kind of toss together repeated melodies and words just so they have some kind of hook. The worst offense here, however, is the length. I was fatigued at the 10th track. THE WHOLE THING IS 24 TRACKS LONG. THE THEME THAT HE USED TO UNITE THE THING WAS COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN BY TRACK 5. I mean, by the time we get to track 20, almost every track suffers the same exact problems. It just feels like it devolves into loud bass with Future moaning about syrup and women over it.

IT’S EXACTLY WHAT I DON’T LIKE ABOUT HIP-HOP

ALSO, SISQO IS STILL RECORDING MUSIC?

Summary: Overlong, repetitive, monotonous, generically produced,  confused, bloated, and severely lacking in the song department, this “Movie” by Future comes across as a Hip-Hop equivalent to a Michael Bay movie.

Choice Cuts: Fo Real, Mark Mcquire

1/5

You can download the tape here.